


The Great Secret

by YellowBananaOwl



Category: Reluctant Persuaders (BBC Radio)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-07
Updated: 2016-01-07
Packaged: 2018-05-12 07:25:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5657698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YellowBananaOwl/pseuds/YellowBananaOwl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Teddy wants Joe to tell him what the big secret is, but that would ruin everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Great Secret

**Author's Note:**

> Characters belong to Ed Rowett.

”Tell me!” Teddy begged.

 

”No!” said Joe firmly.

 

”Just tell me! I’m going to find out soon anyway.”

 

”No, I won’t tell you. Not until I have to!”

 

”Pleeeeaaaaaase?” Teddy crouched down right in front of him and made puppy eyes. Joe closed his eyes to avoid looking at them.

 

”No, there’s no use digging, Ted. I’m not going to tell you because, yes, you will find out soon, and you’re not going to know about this before it happens because you are the worst secret keeper in history.”

 

”I’m not.”

 

”Really? Who managed to blurt out the huge secret of us making out in the toilet mere minutes after we had agreed we would never speak of it to anyone?”

 

”It was an accident! I swear. I didn’t know I would run into Amanda right after!”

 

”And which part of _anyone_ didn’t you understand? That includes Amanda, you know.”

 

”I know, but she looked at me funny.”

 

”In which way?”

 

”Like she _knew_.” Teddy whispered. ”She had that stare.”

 

”She always looks like that, Ted.”

 

”I was just so excited, okay?”

 

”That’s the problem!” said Joe. ”If it takes that little for you to blurt out secrets, I’m not going to let you in on this one before it’s necessary.”

 

”But Joe!”

 

”No, Ted. Not this time!”

 

”Awww.”

 

”Not what?” Hardacre just came into the, what they were supposed to call, office.

 

”I wouldn’t know,” sighed Teddy. ”He won’t tell me.”

 

”Then it must be interesting. Tell me, Starling.”

 

”I can’t, sir,” said Joe. ”Teddy’s listening.

 

”So?”

 

”It’s a secret, and if Teddy finds out, it’s going to get ruined.”

 

”Beech, cover your ears.”

 

”Yes, sir,” said Teddy and put his fingers right next to his ears.

 

”Properly, Ted,” demanded Joe and Teddy groaned.

 

”Can you hear us now, Beech?” asked Hardacre.

 

Ted was staring blankly into space.

 

”Looks safe to me,” said Hardacre.

 

Joe sighed. ”It’s nothing big, sir. It’s just the party.”

 

”A party? And why haven’t you told me? I’m great at parties.”

 

”It’s the surprise party for Laura at the pub on Friday,” said Joe. ”I’m sure Amanda’s told you about it.”

 

”Will there be lots of women there?”

 

”Well, Laura will be there, and Amanda. And Amanda has invited some of Laura’s friends, I believe. I’m not really certain.”

 

”Will your ex-wife be there?” said Hardacre and opened the door to the toilet.

 

”No,” moaned Joe. ”Why do you always -”

 

”I’ll pass on that invitation then. Very well, I have some business to take care of,” he said and closed the bathroom door behind him.

 

Joe looked at Teddy and gave him a sign that he could take his fingers out of his ears, but Ted seemed to look right through him.

 

”HEY, TED. IT’S OVER, YOU CAN TAKE THEM OUT NOW.” Joe shouted and nudged Teddy’s knee so he fell over.

 

”Oh, are you done?” asked Teddy as he sat up on his chair again. ”Where’s Mister Hardacre?”

 

”Bathroom. Didn’t you see him leave?”

 

”No, you told me not to listen.”

 

”And do you often listen with your eyes, Ted?”

 

”I didn’t want to be tempted to read lips.”

 

”And _can_ you read lips?”

 

”I don’t know,” said Teddy. ”I’ve never tried. Let’s find out. Say something.” Teddy put his fingers back in his ears and stared at Joe.

 

”Take them out, Ted.”

 

”You bought a goat friend?” shouted Teddy, still with his fingers in his ears.

 

”I said: TAKE THEM OUT, TED!” repeated Joe.

 

”Oh,” said Teddy and pulled his fingers out. ”I guess that’s a no on the lip reading then.”

 

Hardacre came out of the toilet.”Don’t go in there for a few … hours.”

 

”I didn’t plan to,” said Joe.

 

”I did,” said Ted. ”Can I use my fingers to shut my nose instead of my ears, Joe?”

 

”You don’t have to cover your ears. We’re finished.”

 

”Oh good,” said Teddy. ”Unless there’s something in there I shouldn’t hear.”

 

”What would that be?”

 

”The rats? They freak me out a bit.”

 

”You’ll be fine, Ted.”

 

”Okay, if you say so.” Teddy got up and went into the bathroom. ”Whoa, Mister Hardacre, you should see a doctor.”

 

”I don’t need to see a Doctor,” said Hardacre. ”Big boys take care of themselves; they don’t need a doctor. Anyway, my doctor is dead, so he’s useless. I’m off. See you later, boys.”

 

Shortly after Hardacre had disappeared, Teddy came out of the toilet.

 

”That was quick,” commented Joe.

 

”Yeah,” said Teddy. ”The combination of Mister Hardacre’s _eau de toilette_ and the thought of rats didn’t make me want to stay in there for too long. Not very cosy, I must admit.”

 

”Er, hello?” Laura popped her head through the door.

 

”Hi Laura,” said Teddy cheerfully.

 

”Did you want anything, Laura?” asked Joe.

 

”Not really,” she said. ”I was just wondering what time the party on Friday starts. Because I might have plans.”

 

”What party?” asked Teddy.

 

”My surprise party,” said Laura. ”Only mister What’s-his-name said there wouldn’t be that many girls and told me to invite everyone I knew. But I need to know what time.”

 

Joe groaned.

 

”Well, fine I won’t invite them then,” said Laura and went back to her reception desk.

 

”I _knew_ everything would get ruined,” Joe complained.

 

”What would?” wondered Teddy.

 

Joe simply stared at him with awe. ”Are you serious?”

 

”Why can’t you tell me anything, Joe?” asked Teddy. ”I want to know what the secret is! At least tell me at that party on Friday then. I hate not knowing.”

 

 


End file.
